Be 100% on Your Own

Now you know about the book, I’d like to dive into nuances of the three tenets a bit more. Just to refresh your brain, they are:

• Be selfish
• Surround yourself with Good people
• Leave the world better than you found it

But like any worthy effort, it took some time for me to figure out what these meant in my own life!

Originally, they were as follows:

• Take care of your mind and body
• Surround yourself with the best people
• Make the world a better place.

If you don’t consider yourself a word nerd like I am, those may sound just fine to you. But I’ll explain why they changed to what you now know are my three tenets for a life well-lived.

My wife Kendall and I went back and forth about how to phrase the tenets of the Finding Good mentality. I explained to her I believed they needed to be bold but broad, relatable but practical, and, more than anything, a concept that anyone can implement in their specific lives.

That said, I’ll start with what I believe the first tenet, be selfish, means.

The incomparable Brené Brown once spoke with renowned entrepreneur and thought leader Tim Ferris on his podcast. During their discussion, Tim asked Brené how she and her husband Steve ensured their relationship remained on solid footing.

She stated that marriage is not 50/50. Rather, marriages – successful ones, at least – survive hardships and life’s challenges by ensuring that if one person can’t provide their expected level of support, it is the responsibility of the other partner to pick up the slack. Sometimes that is 50/50, other times it may be 90/10.

I agree with Brené, but with a slight amendment. I believe each individual should strive to be 100% on their own. I can’t give 100% unless I am 100%. I’ve heard from plenty of people throughout my life that the key to happiness is to reside constantly in the service of others.

Of course, that may certainly be true for some folks. But I know that I can’t support Kendall, take care of my dog Dash, teach my students, grade papers, fundraise for worthy causes, or enjoy my passions of wake surfing and cycling unless I have the energy to do so. Here’s where being selfish comes into play.

Focusing on yourself first is not a bad thing, provided you’re not going around expecting everyone to cater to your every need. To be selfish means creating an environment where you can perform at a high level in all areas of life, and designating spaces and times for you to recharge when you’re struggling.

Remember, it’s okay to be selfish.